Seeing as this is the second time round I know what’s in store.
So here it is, an honest to goodness, I kid you not, this happened to me, guide to what to expect in the first trimester. Pregnancy is a wonderful time, a special time, a peaceful time to bond with the unborn, to cherish your belly and your relish your new glow…allegedly.
Here’s what it’s actually like!
A – Advice, you’ll get loads of it. Unless the giver has shown you their medical degree ignore it. And blow a raspberry at anyone who starts a story with “I’ve never been pregnant…but I think…”
B – Bloating, like a balloon. Start the day without a hint of a bump wearing your normal jeans, end the day an engorged, groaning mess in your husband’s pants.
C – Cramps, a normal part of very early pregnancy, apparently its your womb stretching to accomodate the new resident. DON’T PANIC!
D – Dysguesia, that taste of old pennies in your mouth? That’s just your tastebuds going slightly mad (the first of many body parts). It should disappear in a few weeks, no amount of brushing, mouthwash or chewing gum is going to get rid of it so just deal!
E – Exhaustion, there is no tiredness like the tiredness of the first trimester. A bone weary, leg dragging, mood zapping exhaustion.
F – Fainting happened to me in the supermarket and the manager had to call my husband to collect me while a lovely till assistant let Alfie scan as many groceries as he wanted. It was mortifying.
G – Glowing? Hasn’t started yet. Will keep you posted.
H- HugeBoobs that are incapable of staying where they’ve been put.
I – Iron, talk to your doctor about upping your intake, supplements were the only thing that helped my energy levels.
J – JustKeepEating, seriously, you’ll feel sick the minute you stop. Brownie points if you manage Kale and Quinoa salads but I’ll believe you if you confess to Sausage Rolls and coke.
K – Kardashian pregnancy, if the most beautiful woman in the world looks like that when she’s pregnant then you can cut yourself some slack!
L – Lank, Limp Hair, sure the hair does eventually come round but until then its a grease pit. Best to condition THEN shampoo for the next while.
M – MorningSickness, can someone please come up with a new name? Like ‘Strike at Anytime of the Day or Night And Not Just Limited To Vomiting’ Sickness? That would be more accurate.
N – No Help, your partner will be no help, he’ll try but he’ll probably get it wrong. It’s best if you avoid voicing what a useless, ungrateful, inconsiderate and selfish man-bastard they are, tell your best friend instead.
O – Outbreaks, your fluctuating hormones can give you spots. Lots of old women will tell you that means you’re having a girl. They know nothing! To me pregnancy is just like a violent, condensed puberty. (See H, L, U and P for more!)
P – Pins and Needles, pins and needles are a slightly more unusual symptom but can occur in your fingers and toes. This is caused by your normal volume of blood having to spread itself out in all the new blood vessels of your placenta and womb. Soon you’ll get extra blood too and this will ease. Although the extra blood can give you Palpitations.
Q – Questions, there’s no such thing as a silly question in the first trimester! Ask your GP or Midwife as many as you need to.
R – Reflux, normally this starts later but I realised that my morning sickness was being caused by stomach acid, a Gaviscon taken as soon as I woke up was often enough to stop it.
S – Sleep, just let me sleep!! Please, I’m so tired! It’s all I want forever! Just sleep!
T – ToiletTrouble, luckily I escaped this one but several of my friends have told that bathroom breaks can go from one extreme to the other.
U – Unhappy It’s ok if pregnancy doesn’t turn you into a giddy, gleeful pixie. I find it mentally a very, very tough and lonely time, I don’t enjoy it the way ‘good mothers’ do.
V – Virginal, technically you should be making the most of this time because soon you’ll be too big to do it comfortably. Chances are you’ll be too sick and tired. Plus, it’s his fault you feel this crap so sex is probably out the window.
W – Wreck, I was an emotional wreck this time! I went from being someone who never cries to welling up at everything from Pippa’s snapchats to Strictly Come Dancing.
X – Xtra Hair, (I’m struggling with the letters!) Extra hair growth is a common occurrence in pregnancy. It lands in strange places too…like your nipples. Be vigilant!
Y – Yuck, food you once adored will now turn your stomach. One of the ways I knew I was pregnant was because a sip of red wine nearly made me throw up. First and last time that happened! We are happily reunited now!
Z – Zzzzzzz, the amount of sleep you get is about to drastically reduce. Even if you have one child already I hear it just keeps reducing with each birth. Enjoy as much sleep as possible now.
I’m not a doctor and I’m certainly not your doctor, none of this is medical advice! ALWAYS, always, always report anything that feels funny to your midwife/GP, you won’t be wasting their time! x